But it wasn’t my fault! He deserved it! I didn’t do anything! I don’t want to!
Sound familiar? We usually hear this from kids when they’ve done something that needs correcting and we need to bring it to their attention. We want to help them understand how their actions or words affect others. We want them to learn to take responsibility and do what they can to make the situation better.
This isn’t just for kids. Adults could use a refresher on this, especially at work! They may not say it the same way, but the meaning is still there. We don’t have parents at work to remind us, but we do have team members who tell us through our relationship with them.
I bet, you can think of at least 3 situations right now that you that you’d like to receive an apology for. Whether it happened a few minutes ago, a few weeks ago or a few years ago, you remember and it’s affecting your relationships. You’re waiting for something that may not happen. Multiply that by everyone you work with. Wow! What’s not being said, but is being acted out? Notice any changes in your relationships that you can’t quite understand?
All relationships require care and feeding. Sometimes, we forget to do the simple things that can make a big difference to others.
Invest for the Best
An apology is an investment in a relationship. It can be easy to do when you put the other person before yourself. But, when you put yourself and your ego first, it’s going to be hard. Pride is a relationship killer. An apology is the right we all hope for when we feel wronged. The sooner it comes, the better and better late, than never.
Being skilled in the art of apology, is one of the best ways to keep your relationships strong and the lines of communication open. When you don’t address issues, they fester, they become bigger and start to form walls. Those walls can be thick and hard to break through. They can be tall and hard to get over. Being apologetic is a way to reduce the need for others to build walls.
In addition to apologizing for your actions, you can also apologize for the action of others. Even though it’s not your responsibility, it’s a way to empathize. But be careful not to become a rescuer by taking on the responsibility of apologizing for the action of others. You may be trying to help, but the apology is more meaningful coming from the person responsible.
Receiving a sincere apology meets a need everyone has: to feel valued in their relationships.
Use these 5 sentence starters to apologize. Use them often.
Watch your relationships get better.
I apologize.
Period. No justification. No explanation. Look the person in the eye, say it, be sincere and then be silent.
I apologize for…
I apologize for hurting your feelings. I apologize for getting upset. I apologize for not being there for you. I apologize for offending you.
I apologize that…
I apologize that I didn’t listen. I apologize that I keep doing this. I apologize that I was insensitive to your feelings. I apologize that I didn’t act on this faster.
I apologize if…
I apologize if I offended you. I apologize if I misunderstood. I apologize if I didn’t take your feelings into consideration. I apologize if I’m making this harder than it needs to be.
I apologize because…
I apologize because I know I can come off like I don’t care, but I really do. I apologize because I was frustrated and took it out on you. I apologize because I was thinking more about how this affects me than you.
Remember, a sincere apology can be an easy thing to do. It’s a wise investment in building and maintaining strong, mutually beneficial relationships. And, it’s totally within your control.
You can do this! Be quick to apologize and watch your relationships change for the better!