“I am sorry.” Three powerful words that can always connect people.
During a break at a workshop, I was in line waiting to use the restroom when I saw a woman in the corner covering her eyes and sobbing uncontrollably. Other women were in line with me, but no one moved. I took a quick glance around to see if anyone saw what I was seeing. Everyone was looking down.
The woman continued to sob. I got out of line and asked if I could help her. She said, “no” and continued to sob. I didn’t know what to do. Should I help her? I stood there for a few seconds before deciding what action to take.
I took a risk, stood beside her, put my hands on her shoulders and then didn’t say a word. About a minute later, I asked if she wanted to talk about it. She said, “no” and continued sobbing. I kept my hands firmly planted on her shoulders. I didn’t know what else to do. Others watched as we just stood there.
Three minutes later, I said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is, but sometimes, it helps to talk about it.” Again, she said, “no thank you,” and continued sobbing. I’d never seen see anyone cry so hard for so long in a public place. Her eyes must have been puffy and her head had to be throbbing by now. My hands were still on her shoulders. I didn’t know how long I would hold on or how I would take them off. Something told me not to let go.
Then, I felt her hand on top of mine – a connection had been made. Now what?
Her sobbing slowed down and eventually stopped. She thanked me and then we walked outside. She told me why she was crying. It was something from her past that needed to be dealt with. I offered her comfort and gave her a few suggestions to consider. She thanked me again, gave me a big bear hug and and then we both returned to the workshop.
We all need it. We all can give it.
Showing empathy is one of the most powerful ways you can connect to another person. It can break down walls. It can open closed doors. It can build a bridge. It can create a bond. It doesn’t cost anything, except your time and attention.
People need to know that someone cares. You don’t need to know what’s going on. You don’t have to have an answer. You don’t have to fix anything. You just need to be there for the person at that moment.
You can show empathy to anyone, for anything, at anytime because, it’s not about you. It’s about what someone else needs at that moment.
Showing empathy meets a need everyone has – to be heard emotionally.
Use these 6 sentence starters to show empathy, build a bridge and create a bond.
I’m sorry.
Period. Say it and just be there for the person.
I’m sorry that…
I’m sorry that you’re struggling. I’m sorry that you have some tough decisions to make. I’m sorry that you’re not happy.
I’m sorry this is…
I’m sorry this is something you have to deal with right now. I’m sorry this is hard. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I’m sorry this isn’t…
I’m sorry this isn’t what you expected. I’m sorry this isn’t happening faster. I’m sorry this doesn’t feel fair.
I’m sorry you…
I’m sorry you can’t see a way out right now. I’m sorry you’re upset. I’m sorry you were treated that way.
I’m sorry I…
I’m sorry. I know this is challenging. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. I’m sorry I know you tried really hard to make that work.
Just a word of caution– Be sincere. Make sure your words and body language match. The other person may not hear your words, but they will understand what your body’s saying.
Relationships are about connections. Showing empathy is a connector. It requires you to put your needs aside, to support someone else’s. As adults, we’re problem solvers. When we see a problem, we want to fix it. But not everyone wants or needs to be fixed. Sometimes, people just need a listening ear or an acknowledgement that someone hears what they’re feeling.
When you know you can come alongside someone and offer them a connection, don’t wait! Just do it!
I would love to hear how giving or receiving empathy has made a difference in your life!