Trust is the cornerstone of every good relationship. It enables. It accelerates. It gives the benefit of the doubt. It allows risk. It forgives. It’s not something we talk about everyday, but its impact is always present.
With it, you move further faster together. You accomplish more and enjoy what you do and who you do it with. Without it, everything is harder, slower and less productive. And don’t forget about the drama it can create. It’s the ever present elephant in the room that everyone knows is there, but nobody knows how to address it.
A few years ago, I facilitated an offsite retreat for my team. We were small in size and over the course of a year, we changed the way we practiced HR, better aligning it with the business. We were doing a good job, but needed to up our game to keep pace with our changing organization.
As we unpacked our day, it became clear there was an elephant in the room. How did it get in there? It wasn’t invited! But the body language in the room screamed that something in our way, something was preventing us from excelling as a team. I knew from my 1:1s that several team members had issues with each other. I quickly tapped into my OD experience and designed a simple and effective exercise to get the team talking.
Step 1
I wrote the word TRUST on a flipchart. Simple Statement: What are your thoughts on trust? They said:
- It was important to working together
- Must have it to work as a real team
- It can be hard to earn, buteasy to lose
- There are different levels of trust
- Some people you trust and others you don’t
Then, I shared my theory that there are givers of trust and earners of trust. Givers give trust immediately, no questions asked. With earners, you have to prove that you deserve their trust. These two perspectives are in contrast to each other and neither is right or wrong.
I revealed that I was a giver of trust. I:
- Give trust immediately and automatically
- Assume everyone is a giver and sometimes I’m wrong
- Rescind my trust only when someone has demonstrated they are not trustworthy
I took a risk and asked the team how they experienced me as a giver. They said I:
- Was approachable and easy to talk to
- Assumed good intent
- Wanted to be involved, but not get in their way
- Believed in them
Wow! That was nice!
Then, we needed to talk about earners of trust. I used myself as an example and shared that as a giver, I recognize that earners expect me to do certain things to earn their trust. But unless I ask them, I’m flying blind and it can be frustrating.
Simple Statement: How do you know someone is an earner? They said:
- Initially skeptical about intent
- Hesitant to just accept something at face value
- Need facts and data
- Trust what they see over time
Interesting contrast! Now the team was beginning to see why there were issues. There were different perspectives on trust and they were clashing because we didn’t understand what we were experiencing.
Step 2
Flipchart #2: GIVERS and EARNERS. Simple Question: Which do you identify with?
After they had written their names in one of the columns, I asked if they had any thoughts on what they saw. One head nodded. A few faces looked perplexed and there were a few blank stares. Then, one person said, “Ok, now I get it.” I reiterated again that there was no right or wrong. This exercise was only meant to give us an awareness of how each of us approaches trust and how we can begin to increase our level of trust with each other.
Step 3
Flipchart #3: HOW YOU CAN EARN MY TRUST. This was only for the earners. Simple Question: If you’re an earner, how can people earn your trust?
Their answers were pretty simple:
- Do what you say you’re going to do
- Carry your own weight
- Don’t talk behind my back
- Be transparent
- Be honest and direct, not passive-aggressive
These were the issues the team was having and now they were starting to understand the implications.
Step 4
Flipchart #4: HOW YOU CAN LOSE MY TRUST. I listed all names (givers and earners) on the chart. Simple Statement: However, we achieve trust with each other, we also need to know the ways we may be breaking trust and not even be aware of it.
This is where things got real. We all knew we were accountable for gaining and maintaining trust with each other. “It” was out there now and we had to own it.
This simple exercise opened our eyes and challenged our assumptions. For the first time in a long time, the team engaged in real conversation about how to work together as a team. It was a game changer.
In the The Speed of Trust, Stephen M.R. Covey lists 13 behaviors that support relationship trust:
- Talk Straight
- Demonstrate Respect
- Create Transparency
- Right Wrongs
- Show Loyalty
- Deliver Results
- Get Better
- Confront Reality
- Clarify Expectations
- Practice Accountability
- Listen First
- Keep Commitments
- Extend Trust
This is a good resource on the importance and impact of trust in organizations.
In my experience working with teams, it’s often the simple things that have the greatest impact. What’s an issue on your team that everyone knows exists, but no one is willing to address? Trust may not your elephant, but I’ll bet there is one. However you choose to address it, keep it simple and keep it real.
Have you done an impromptu exercise with your team that was a game changer? Please share! We’re all looking for ways to keep the elephants out of teams!