I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE questions! Don’t you?
Those who know me, know I ask a lot of questions. Why? Because I want to know. Why? Because I want you to know. Why? Because questions help us explore what we don’t know. Why? Because no one knows everything. Why? Because there is always more to know. Whew! That’s a lot of knowing!
When did I learn the value of questions?
There’s a reason why children ask a lot of questions. They’re curious. One of my favorite childhood memories is how my mother always entertained my questions. We’d sit at the kitchen table for hours and just talk about whatever people stuff was going on in my life at the time. I learned so much about people (including myself) from those conversations. I could talk to her about almost anything (you can’t tell your mom everything!). And this is how I learned that questions can lead to great conversations and great conversations can lead to great discoveries.
Discoveries are made because someone somewhere was curious about something.
Why don’t we ask more questions?
Maybe because:
- We don’t want to know
- We don’t have time
- We don’t see the need
- We don’t see the benefit
- We don’t know who to ask
- We don’t know what to ask
- We don’t know how to ask
- We’ve learned not to ask
- We don’t know the answer
- We’re afraid of the answer
There’s more for sure!
What can questions do?
They can:
- Give information/Share information
- Confirm what is known/Reveal what isn’t known
- Start a conversation/End a conversation
- Make a connection/Build a bridge/Close a gap
- Cause reflection/Correction
- Give perspective
- Act as a navigator
- Help us understand
- Invite people to help and contribute
- Bring change to the status quo
- Generate innovative ideas
- Slow things down/Speed things up
- Solve problems/Create problems
- Bring hope/Bring despair
- Be viewed as a threat/An opportunity
This list can go on and on and on.
What do you do when you don’t know?
You ask and keep asking questions. Here’s my very personal story of how questions helped me navigate through a very challenging time. This isn’t a work example. This is a life example that’s applicable to work.
Six years ago, my mother became ill. I was in California and she was in Baltimore. As I began to understand her medical issues, I realized I didn’t have a clue of what to do to take care of her. Could she continue to live on her own? And if she did, would she need assistance? And if needed assistance, where would I find it, how much would it cost and how would it be paid for?
I knew immediately I was in over my head and I needed help. When you find yourself in a situation where you’re suddenly responsible for another person (who happens to be the person who used to take care of you), it’s not only overwhelming, but it’s quite emotional too. So, I started asking basic questions, which lead to more advanced questions as my knowledge grew and I gained more experience in my new caregiver role.
I moved my mother to California, her health improved and soon, we were in a routine. We were on autopilot, making small tweaks along the way to stay on course with her health and our lives.
But, two years ago, my mother’s health changed and I realized I needed to ask different questions because things were becoming more complicated. At the end of every conversation, I began including one or more of these simple questions:
- What am I not asking that I should be asking?
- From your experience, what are you seeing that I’m not?
- What else do I need to know?
These questions invited the experts to help me navigate and not just respond to my questions. I needed their insider information. People can be very generous when they know you need help.
So, how can questions help you navigate?
- Be curious. You don’t have to know where the answer will lead you, just be willing to go.
- Build relationships through questions. Even if you know the answer, people will be engaged when you ask.
- Seek first to understand, then be understood – this is a winning strategy.
- There really is no stupid question, except the one that’s not asked. Maintain an environment where people know that.
- When the stakes are high, take the time to craft the right questions. They will chart your course.
- Ask intentional questions, and then listen. Be open to what you hear. Don’t debate, refute or defend. You don’t have to agree. You just have to “be”. Encourage people to tell you more.
- Autopilot is never really autopilot. You still have to pay attention and make adjustments to stay on course. Ask how it’s going and check-in often.
- Things and people change. You can only go so far on what you know. Keep asking questions to keep moving forward.
- Some people will only give you what you ask for. Ask them for more. Train yourself to use the simple questions above.
- Keep these 3 questions in front of you. They will help you work through any issue.
- What is it?
- Why does it matter?
- What do I want to do about it?
Questions are one of the most versatile and underutilized communication tools we have. The best answers come from the best questions and the best questions come from a sincere desire to learn.Commit to asking more questions and listening to learn. I guarantee your communication and relationships will improve.