With all my years in HR, I’ve seen a lot of different things. This particular situation stood out for me because I think it is absolutely true – at some point in a conflict, it doesn’t matter who did what, both parties can become the issue.
Two leaders had ongoing relationship issues. They had been individually coached many times in an effort to help them resolve the conflict, but the conflict remained. Their animosity was very noticeable not only to their teams, but to others as well. So, finally, I went to each of them and said, “You need to figure out how to make this go away, how to resolve the issue.”
This set off an alarm in their heads telling them if they didn’t get their act together, then I would have to formally help them do it. Enough was enough. I knew I had done everything I could to help each one of them come closer to the center, but they had not done enough for themselves.
At that very moment, they appreciated the heads up and knew things had to change. And guess what, it did! But why did it have to get to that point?
Because sometimes you just have to get real honest with people and tell them, “Doesn’t matter. Clean it up. Get it together.”
Leaders lead by example and this was a poor one. They allowed their conflict to become fodder for gossip and sport to watch. The good thing is employees always retain the choice whether or not to follow and why would anyone want to follow a leader’s bad behavior? That’s not leading. That’s following your emotions, losing control and forgetting your role.
The lesson? Resolve the issue before YOU become the issue.