Check Yourself!

In 30+ years in business and HR, I’ve seen a lot, dealt with a lot and resolved a lot of people issues. People continue to amaze me with how complicated they make working together. When addressing issues with leaders, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Well, that’s just who I am or that’s just my personality.” Here’s what the person’s really saying, “I’m not changing. Deal with it”.  And it also means that person isn’t receptive to feedback and can’t be influenced.  With that mindset, you can easily see how people problems begin and continue.

As a HR leader, I’ve never asked anyone to change their personality or to change who they are. But I have asked people to change their behavior at work.  I refuse to get into a debate whether or not you can change personality. That’s not the issue. We don’t manage personality at work. We manage behavior and that can be changed.

So, this may be a tough call for you if you’ve ever spoken those words. or even thought it.  And if you have, I’ll bet it was in response to someone bringing behavior to your attention that was an issue for them, others or the organization. Maybe it was a surprise to you or maybe it’s a known issue. Either way, you’ve been informed. It’s an issue and a change is needed.  And if HR is talking to you, it’s either an escalated issue or they’re  trying to prevent it from becoming a bigger issue. You’d be wise to listen. 

So, you’re at a decision point. What are you going to do?  Hide behind your personality? It’s time to check yourself!

Here’s 5 things I encourage you to do:

1. Hear what’s being said. Feedback is information and information is needed to understand how to respond to a situation and your environment.
2. Don’t be defensive.  Quiet your need to protect yourself no matter how the message is delivered. Don’t shoot the messenger. Listen to the message. Don’t put up a wall.
3. Listen to understand, not to reply. Ask questions to clarify and explore. Be open and learn.
4. Stay focused on behavior and actions that can be taken.
5. Decide if you want to make behavioral changes needed. If you decide to make changes, you may need help. Ask for it. If you decide not to make changes, don’t expect things to remain status quo (at least for long).  Understand that there are consequences no matter what you decide to do.

So, check yourself! No one is asking you to change your personality or change who you are. You are being asked to change your behavior. Can you do that?